Non binary people use gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them, xe/xir/xir, or ey/em/eir, depending on personal preference. These pronouns reflect identities outside the male/female binary and are used to accurately represent someone's gender.
Pronouns are linguistic tools that replace nouns in sentences. For non binary individuals, choosing pronouns that match their gender identity is essential for respect and inclusion. While some people default to he or she, non binary people may use alternatives that avoid gendered assumptions. Common sets include singular they/them, ze/hir, or e/em. These are not interchangeable-each set follows distinct grammatical rules.
According to the American Psychological Association, using a person's correct pronouns reduces anxiety and improves mental health outcomes, especially among transgender and non binary youth. A 2021 study published in *The Lancet Psychiatry* found that misgendering (using incorrect pronouns) correlates with higher rates of depression and suicidal ideation. Correct pronoun use is not optional-it is a basic act of dignity.
Singular they/them is the most widely recognized non binary pronoun. It functions as a third-person singular pronoun in modern English, despite older grammar rules that treated "they" as plural. Today, major style guides-including the AP Stylebook and Chicago Manual of Style-accept singular they as standard for gender-neutral reference.
For example: "Alex forgot their keys. They're probably still at the office." Here, "their" and "they" refer to one person, not multiple. This construction avoids assuming gender and is grammatically correct in both spoken and written English.
Other systems exist. Ze/hir is used in some communities and appears in fictional works like *The Left Hand of Darkness*. In this system, "ze" replaces "he," "hir" replaces "him," and "hir" also serves as the possessive form ("that book is hir"). These constructions require practice but are valid and growing in visibility.
There is no single standard. People choose based on comfort, cultural context, and community norms. Below are common sets:
| Pronoun Set | Subject | Object | Possessive | Used in |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| They/Them | They | Them | Their | Most common; accepted in formal writing |
| Xe/Xir/Xirs | Xe | Xir | Xirs | Used in online spaces and activist circles |
| Ey/Eir/Eirs | Ey | Eir | Eirs | Found in academic and literary contexts |
| Ze/Hir/Hirs | Ze | Hir | Hirs | Popularized in speculative fiction |
Each system has consistent rules. Using "xe" as a subject pronoun and "xir" as an object pronoun maintains grammatical clarity. Misusing a pronoun set-such as saying "xir" as a subject-can cause confusion and unintentional disrespect.
A non-obvious fact: Some non binary people use multiple pronouns interchangeably. A person might say "they" in casual settings but prefer "ey" in formal writing. This flexibility reflects personal expression, not inconsistency. Language evolves with identity.
Non binary pronouns appear in workplaces, classrooms, healthcare settings, and public communications. In schools, teachers who ask students to share preferred pronouns create safer environments. A 2022 report from GLAAD found that 68% of LGBTQ+ students feel more included when educators use correct pronouns.
In healthcare, misgendering patients increases medical errors. A 2020 study in *JAMA Network Open* showed that transgender and non binary patients were less likely to seek care when providers used incorrect pronouns. Accurate pronoun use improves patient trust and clinical outcomes.
Public figures increasingly disclose their pronouns. Actor Misha Collins uses they/them. Author J.K. Rowling has used they/them in interviews. These choices normalize non binary language and reduce stigma.
"Singular they" is often misunderstood as grammatically incorrect. It is not. The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular they back to Middle English. Shakespeare used it. Modern usage is standard in legal, journalistic, and academic writing.
Another misconception: non binary pronouns are "new" or "invented." They are not. Many have roots in historical languages. "Ey/em" derives from Old English and Norse. "Xe" appears in early 19th-century British literature. These are revivals, not inventions.
Some assume all non binary people use "they/them." That's false. Preferences vary. Asking someone's pronouns is respectful; assuming is not. Always verify-don't guess.
Consider this scenario: Jamie, a non binary student, presents a paper in class. The instructor says:
"Jamie's research on climate policy is thorough. They've analyzed data from 12 countries. Their findings suggest a shift in regional priorities."
This uses "they," "them," and "their" correctly. All are singular pronouns referring to one person. The sentence is grammatically sound and affirming.
If the instructor had said, "He's done great work," it would misgender Jamie. Even well-intentioned assumptions harm. Using correct pronouns shows attention and care.
I once facilitated a workshop where participants shared pronouns via name tags. One attendee used "ey/em/eir." At first, I stumbled. But after three minutes of practice, it felt natural. The moment I got it right, the person smiled. That small exchange reinforced how language shapes belonging.
When meeting someone new, ask: "What pronouns do you use?" Do not assume. If you make a mistake, correct yourself simply: "Sorry-I meant they." No apology is needed, but acknowledgment is polite.
Use pronouns in introductions. Say: "Hi, I'm Sam. I use they/them." This normalizes sharing and invites others to do the same. In group settings, everyone benefits from consistent practice.
For digital communication, update email signatures, Slack profiles, and social media bios. A simple change like adding "(they/them)" after your name signals openness and awareness.
When in doubt, ask. It's better to clarify than to misgender. Respect is not earned through perfection-it's built through effort and willingness to learn.
Understanding what pronouns non binary people use is not about memorizing lists. It's about recognizing that identity is diverse and language must adapt. Using correct pronouns is a daily act of inclusion. It's not complex-it's just right.